Given the title of this post, I would like to start off by saying that I am not a misogynist. I have absolutely nothing against ladies. I have absolutely nothing against lady athletes.
I am a lady.
I am an athlete.
And I adore being both.
Most will say that this quote about sums me up *especially the little part*:
But, I have seen something happen over the years that has simultaneously disappointed, confused, terrified, and angered me.
I have seen women be turned into tough individuals.
I don’t mean tough athletes.
I don’t mean tough competitors.
I don’t mean self-sufficient.
I don’t mean independent.
I mean tough – as in calloused. More manly for a lack of a better word.
Now, hold on. Before you leave a comment, unsubscribe, and leave forever…
I know what you’re going to say: Not all girls are ladies, and we can’t just sit and knit all day. Some are athletes. Some are tough. Some need to punch things. Some are pure competitors.
I have known women who were both MMA fighters and ladies at the same time.
I am an athlete and a lady.
How can that be? You may ask.
It’s simple: Tough is not WHAT you are. Tough is an ATTITUDE.
Part of the toughness that really gets to me is when ladies think they have no use for gentlemen. My dear ladies, you could never be more wrong.
If I’m being honest, I admit that I went through this phase a couple years ago. I thought I was self-sufficient and smarter than all the guys I knew, and I just didn’t think I needed anyone to hold the door for me, to help me out of my car, to pull out a chair for me, to take his hat off for me, or to give me his chair.
I could do it myself.
And for the most part, I did.
But in the process, I robbed the young men around me of something truly remarkable: the chance to be a real gentleman.
The chance to be chivalrous.
The chance to be kind.
The chance to be appreciated.
I ultimately failed in my duties as a lady when I failed to let them be gentlemen.
Now, part of the curse is that women will always want to be dominant over men. I understand that. But I refuse to blame everything on that because most of it is a personal, individual choice that every lady makes – the choice to be tough and do it yourself or allow someone to show you kindness.
A lot of being a lady is not making yourself look good. A very great part of it is allowing someone else to mature.
Let’s face it, we ladies complain all the time of how men are not maturing these days. Am I right? Don’t roll your eyes. I know I am.
But what do we do about it? We criticize, we’re impatient, we don’t give them a chance.
So, I have compiled a few ways that women can become ladies by allowing men to become gentleman.
Let Him Help You:
This is basic Chivalry 101. But the key is LET HIM. Don’t make him. Don’t tell him. Don’t get mad if he doesn’t. But don’t resist if he does. Let him hold the door for you. Let him pull out your chair at dinner. Let him give you his chair at a party. Let him help you out of the car. Let him lead you – in a dance, in a walk, etc. (I have found that many women have a hard time following even in these simple things, so this would be a great place to start!). Let him tell you you’re beautiful.
Don’t Minimize Him:
When he says you’re beautiful, don’t roll your eyes or say anything to the effect of “I know”, “Yeah, right”, or “You’re just saying that because…”. When he holds the door, don’t say, “Oh, you didn’t have to. I could have done that.” Ladies, he’s not stupid, so please don’t treat him like he is. When he gives you his chair, don’t say, “No, it’s okay. I’ll stand. Don’t worry about it.” (I have personally made this mistake – please don’t make it, too). When he takes off his hat or stands to greet you, don’t say anything sarcastic like, “Who do you think I am, the Queen of England or something?”
Don’t Correct Him:
Ladies, please do not correct a gentleman because you think you know how to be chivalrous more than he does. Whatever you do, never show that much brazen arrogance. If he doesn’t do something to your standards, bite your tongue. If he made shrimp scampi instead of steak, do not make a fuss, please. I don’t care what you have to do. Do NOT demean him or correct him in any way. He will learn. That’s part of letting him become a gentleman. (Now, if he burns dinner and asks for help don’t snub him, but you may need to show him a few tricks of the trade…)
Don’t Greet Him Like You’re One of His Guy Friends:
Do not walk up to a guy and punch him in the arm in greeting. Don’t talk slang to him like you’re one of his “bros”. I’m not saying don’t act comfortably around him. By all means, give him a hug or greet him any way you two are comfortable, but if he’s trying to be a gentleman, don’t make him feel awkward as he’s trying to be mature (like he’s being too nice for the occasion).
Pretty basic. Say “please”, “thank you”, and “you’re welcome”. Don’t just be silent when he does something sweet. Tell him you appreciate it. Don’t ask him to do something like a boss. Ask him like a lady. There’s this phrase that’s been floating around like crazy lately…I’m sure you’ve heard of it…”no problem”? Yup, you’ve definitely heard of it. Don’t say that when he (or anyone, for that matter) says “thank you”. It’s so much less personal than a simple “you’re welcome”.
Don’t Ignore Him:
Again, this is pretty basic. If a gentleman pulls out a chair when you enter the room and he makes it clear the chair is intended for you, do not walk over to another chair and sit down. You might as well have slapped him in the face. Also, if he opens the car door for you and gives you his hand to help you down, and you reach for the car door to lean on instead of his hand, you are ignoring him and basically telling him he is not worthy to help you. Please don’t do that. That’s just…..no.
So, this was just a very short, consolidated list of all the ways that we ladies can help bring back chivalry in the 21st century!
In short, let a man be a gentleman, and most of the time he will. Take charge, and he will feel as though you have no need for him – which is an absolute lie.
And ladies, please remember:
A gentleman is not a gentleman because he thinks that you are an incapable woman.
He is a gentleman because he knows that you are a capable lady.
Which of these tips has helped you the most?
What do you struggle with the most
when it comes to being a lady or gentleman?